Zoë-Eve Rhinehart

New York-based writer.

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Back to Base

I’m 24, why do I still feel 12 sometimes?
Like I haven’t changed at all?
(Thank god I am still Myself … ?!)
(Thank god I can laugh at myself.)

I’ve spent a lot of time molding myself into a Cool Woman who can play with the big boys and is a Charmer and a Brooding Independent all at once and I think I sort of succeeded in this this last year (except in the ways I didn’t because I enjoy people’s company now more than ever and I get restless… lonelier faster than ever and I’ll admit it I’m too languid to be alluring… and my endless ranting and raving when I’m revved up can be a bore and/or maddening I’m sure) … I’m a little obvious maybe, and maybe I didn’t succeed at all, but as you get older you become more aware of your appearance and Posture (my back hurts all the time trying to be Confident), and what people are thinking, how people are Buying and Selling, becomes clearer, so...

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(Extrapolation on Getting Situated) … I’m having a hard time convincing myself that throwing myself into graduate school for a year is anything more than succumbing to another form of mental entrapment framed by a well-oiled institution-machine. A set stage. Keep pushing on and you’ll find Happiness/Money, wittle yourself down to an Individual, and be sure to perform and eventually recycle the same 10 activities, rituals, cleanses, hobbies, tics, masks, trains of thought – and even less roles and physical functions. Your mood shall be defined by anxious migraines and anorexia that somehow makes you smug. You will be unfulfilled and you will sit on your hands, or make another cup of coffee. You and another Individual swear to latch onto each other so you can fit into society real snug and spend $$$ to eat out and peacock while making each other sick; you’ll learn to tolerate compromise...

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Bona Fide Review | “Genital Blue Room”

Sundowning beside the Tilt-A-Whirl with the dirtiest theme song.

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Bona Fide Review | “Falling”

Astronaut dares to wear the Red Shoes.

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Kathleen Collins’s Losing Ground

A film review for Music & Literature magazine.

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Bona Fide Review | “Hydrophonie 18”

Tied jars tumbling out of a deep well.

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Bona Fide Review | “Sky”

I’m energized; I feel like a moth in light.

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